We don't do grades!

by Robin

(This post is a LWoS Golden Oldie dating back to March 2006. My children were 5 and 8 at the time. Today they are 8 and 11. Although my daughter remembered her “grade” in this account on this day, fast forward to the future almost 3 years, and she, her brother, and I still sometimes scramble to remember what grade they are in when asked, which happens every so often... obviously not often enough to etch in our brains the correct answer. Most times, we look at each other and start calculating trying to figure it out based on age or what we told folks last year (if we can remember) plus one. LOL! We’ve learned it’s quicker to fill in the blank than to explain the whole concept of "not doing grades"… even with the scramble time figured in.)

People don't understand that the concept of grades is personally foreign to my children. We do not do grades. My children are growing up just fine and learning all the time, really they are. All is well here, and we do not do grades.

My children are not in a grade. They do not do "grade work." When you ask them what grade they are in, they personally have no concept of what you are talking about. I have informed them that if they were in school, they would be in second grade and kindergarten.

Today we went to our new dentist office for a check- up.  This is a very friendly place, complete with a cool salt water fish tank, with very friendly and accommodating staff.  The hygienist was eager to help my children feel comfortable with her, so she started a conversation. 

"What school do you go to?" the dental hygienist asked.

"I homeschool," replied 8, who feels this word does not describe her life properly at all.

"What grade are you in?" the dental hygienist asked.

"Second," responded 8, more at ease and confident with each experience. (She is giving a fill in the blank response that means nothing to her personally.)

"Your brother is in Kindergarten?" she asked.

"Yes,” was the response. Then 8 leaned forward so I could see her face and smiled.

You see, the hygienist started the conversation as most people who take the initiative to greet my children do. Most, if not all but other homeschoolers, expect a child that they meet to go to school, to be in a grade, and to want to talk about it. The thing is, none of the above could be true. 

As this conversation came to an end, the questioner was somewhat satisfied because she only wants to connect with my child and an answer tells her "a connection" was made.  She does not understand that we do not do grades and that my children do not connect to those questions or by answering them.

Robin is a homeschooling mom of two and a natural living enthusiast currently in the school of hard knocks taking graduate courses in Lyme disease.  
 

Comments

[Marjorie]

Years ago, I was talking to a dad about his kids. He mentioned their ages and I guessed their grades -- he said that I must be a teacher. No -- its not too hard to figure out 5 to 6 = kindy, 6 to 7 = 1st, and on up, leaving a bit of leeway for those who start late, etc. I remembered that from being in school myself. You'd think that people who care so much would keep that in mind since people who don't care so much can.

[Shay]

People like to categorize other people. They can look and (usually) know the classification we seem to feel is most important--gender--and we can sort of guess the age, and, therefore, if we care, the grade. The answer to "what grade?" does not transmit information of any value. It seems, then, that the question is merely a "pleasantry," a way to make idle conversation when one does not know what else to say. How sad that our society has so segregated us by age that many adults do not know how to make real conversation with children.

[JoVE]

I think a lot of times people really mean "how old are you?". And I am amazed at how ignorant people are that the whole "grade" thing is based on age rather than achievement. So people ask me how I test my daughter to work out if she can move up to the next grade not realizing that the vast majority of kids in school move up. Very very few are held back. And very very few are accelerated. All the way through.

In fact, I was talking to someone who works for the school board and she confirmed that in order to be held back you would have to do badly in English and Math (nothing else matters), be socially awkward or "behind", and small in stature. In other words, you would have to seem like you "fit" with the kids in the grade below and not stand out as someone who was held back.

[Cathy]

Recently my ten year old daughter who has never been to school or been in any grade was signing up for a crotchet class at the library. The librarian asked if she was in 6th grade (the grade needed to participate). My daughter hesitated and then answered "Yes." (She quickly figured out in her mind that she needed to be that age in order to participate) As soon as she finished signing up, she ran over to me and said, "Mom, how old do you have to be to be in 6th grade?"